Growing up!
This is something as far back as I can remember anxious for as a kid; and then as an adult not “feeling” grown up until I was 36. Now that I’m 47 I feel like I just hit middle age. For all of you still holding at the “30’s” and mourning the loss of the “20’s” and not wanting to grow older here is a new goal I can guess we all are anxious for growing up in – and that is our marriage relationship. Just as there are ages and stages of physically and emotionally maturing up to and through adolescence and into adulthood; there are stages of marriage as well. These stages are defined and broken down differently according to different authors; however I believe it is useful just to be aware there are stages and that you and I can have hope that there really is gold at the end of the rainbow of a maturing relationship. I would like to share an outline from a couple authors:
From Dr. Linda Cooper Miles there are Five Stages of Marriage
She notes that 50% of marriages get stuck in stages 2 or 3 and either divorce or stay in at a superficial way… My challenge to all of us is to work toward a successful stage 5 existence!
Stage 1 Romance – “Your perfect”
Stage 2 – Fault Finding “Your flawed”
Stage 3 – Blaming “You do it to me”
Stage 4 – Acceptance “You just do it”
Stage 5 – Transformation “We grow together”
From Sari Harrar and Rita DeMaria, Ph.D. we get 7 Stages of Marriage
1)Passion – When you and your spouse are in the initial heat of the marriag ena everything is fresh and new
2)Realization – The early passion of the marriage fades as the reality of day to day life sets in.
3)Rebellion – Individual interests begin to reassert themselves as you and your spouse begin to find other ways to entertain yourself to excape the ho-hum of the daily grind – this is a time period when infidelity most often happens
4)Cooperation – Your partnership outpaces the romance of your relationship as you deal with your shared responsibilities from children to home to finances and more.
5)Reunion – This is the period of the marriage where the couple begins to recommit, they have matured, their love has matured and their issues with regard to material gain and paternal caring are dwindling.
6)Explosion – This is the time of intense changes in the married couples life as they deal with the death of parents, the changing of careers and the children leaving the nest and health problems may arise.
7)Completion – A final and full realization of their love. (and I would add and return of sweet mature Passion not just on the physical level as in the beginning but in all spheres of being human; i.e. passion in physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual.)
We all grow up, how we do that is determined by several factors of our own thought processes and the support we have and seek. I recommend getting lots of support from friends and if things are rough especially get help from professionals to help you more easily claim success and claim the happiness intended for all in a loving, happy marriage.
Best wishes to your happiness.
Sincerely,
Rod Limb
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